We are all born self-confident. Think about yourself as a baby learning to walk. Imagine the number of attempts, falls and failures you had in trying to master this skill. Yet, it didn’t stop you from getting up and trying again. That commitment to try repeatedly, regardless of how many times you fell over, came from inner confidence and certainty that you would succeed.
How often do you approach life with this same level of certainty and self-belief when you are challenged? If you’re like most women, not often enough. When we have an unexpected and truly difficult conversation at work, our default can be to retreat, question ourselves, and feel down.
So in this article, I share three simple strategies to help you build your confidence so that when you are tested, you have strategies to help you respond with higher levels of certainty and self-belief.
Strategies to close the confidence gap
1. Learn the power of being your own cheerleader
Being your own cheerleader means treating yourself the same way you would treat others.
The challenge is many believe that the only way to feel good about yourself is to have someone else constantly reaffirm that you are good. This is a high-risk strategy, and it is guaranteed to take you on an emotional rollercoaster.
Instead, practise being your own cheerleader by putting the pause button on those negative thoughts and replacing them with kind words. Give yourself a positive pep talk and congratulate yourself in the same way you would a good friend.
The trick here is to practise and then see what this new approach delivers to you, your performance and your wellbeing.
“If you want to achieve greatness, you need to stop asking for permission.”
In other words, we don’t have to sit on the sidelines waiting for recognition from others to validate that we are already doing a great job and have the potential to achieve even more.
2. Find a new thought strategy
When I was offered my dream role in publishing many years ago, it seemed too good to be true! I was 31 at the time and was supposed to replace a terrific professional, a man 20 years my senior. It’s extraordinary to think of this today, but I declined the role twice. My initial thought was “I am underdone for this role and won’t stack up’. I was scared.
Then I read something that changed everything for me. Men believe they need 60% of the qualifications to apply for a promotion, while women won’t go for it unless they have 100%. Over several weeks, I speculated that if a man pursued the role with just 60% of the credentials and landed the gig, I’d kick myself for the rest of my career.
So, I changed my thought strategy to, “this is a one-off opportunity and if a man takes it with the same level of experience as me, I will kick myself for the rest of my career”. With that new thought, I took the job and went on to lead 100-plus people, joining the executive board, and running acquisitions and mergers. It’s the best thing I could’ve done. It taught me so much about the importance of thinking about the way we think.
3. Use fear to build your confidence
Think of a time when you made an important decision to take a new role outside your organisation, to get married, buy a home, or speak up about a problem. All these decisions come with fear in the tank. Despite that fear, you made the decision to take massive action and progress.
I imagine you’ve done this countless times in your life, so use fear again to help you move forward with your next challenge. Fear is a feeling, and if you associate that feeling with an opportunity to progress, then you are more likely to have a conversation about the possibility and access your inner confidence.
It’s a fantastic opportunity to get clear and reignite your confidence, so practise these three strategies.
I know you’ve heard this before, but it is worth the commitment
The National Science Foundation, tells us that most people have 60,000 thoughts a day, and of those thoughts, 80% are negative, and 95% are the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. This means we already have this natural tendency to focus on the negative and play the same story repeatedly.
So, practise these skills and be intentional in your pursuit of confidence and see where they can take you.
